Promises

By: De Mouse

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DISCLAIMER: All the characters used in this fanfic are the sole property of Sunrise and Bandai. The characters are used without permission. The fanfic below does not receive any profit of any kind and made only for personal entertainment. Original portion of the fiction included here is considered to be the sole property and copyrighted to the author.

WARNING: The story is a POV. There is also one very obvious yaoi coupling here. (1X2) Those who do not like yaoi feel free to press your 'backspace' buttons.

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It's funny how a carefully planned plan can be suddenly wreaked by a mere glint of light. Just a hint of a mistake and the world crumbles around you like a stack of cards blown by the breeze. I was always aware of the painfully thin line between success and failure. Gundam pilots tread the same path so often; we cannot help but acknowledge this fact. Our life depends heavily on each action we decide on a mission. One misstep and the consequences can be deadly. A single wave of a hand could determine life and death.

The mission went smoothly for the first few minutes. It was easy. Sneak into the OZ plant, place the explosives in the right order to cause the whole place to blow up, exit the area unseen and activate the explosives.

Somewhere along the last few orders, I managed to trip an alarm.

Over confidence was one of the leading factors to carelessness and that was what caused the mission to go straight down to hell. Thinking that everything was going perfectly, I fail to notice the footsteps coming from the bend of the corridor. I heard it too late and was face to face with an OZ officer before I even knew what was going on. His yells warning his fellow companions rang out for a moment, the echo bounced off the walls after a bullet met his forehead. Killing him was essential since he saw my face but the gunshot that killed him was louder than the dead man's voice.

There was no time to even grab the man's uniform. The familiar burst of firearms suddenly sliced through the air. Armed with only a gun, there was no other choice then to run.

Making another mistake, I ran right into a dead end.

Trapped.

The wall feels cold against my back. It almost reminds me of space, the chill of emptiness amongst the stars. Holes appear on the other wall as metal bits embed themselves on the hard surface. The noise was extraordinary loud, like there were more than ten men shooting. I looked down at my gun, knowing that it had only a few more rounds before it would become useless.

Time was ticking down like a countdown. The building had to be destroyed before the shipment of new mobile suits could be sent to the OZ headquarters.

A mission gone wrong.

They called me the perfect soldier. With all my faults and mistakes, how can one consider labeling me perfection. I can almost laugh at the irony of it all.

I wonder what lies in wait for me. Probably death. I wonder if death would be the grim reaper that was portrayed by the churches or a smiling death that would cheerfully take my soul to wherever it was suppose to go. I know I certainly would not get into heaven, not when I have taken countless lives within my 15 years.

Happy death.

Duo.

It was strange to find myself thinking of him in the middle of a shooting. Duo Maxwell, the longhaired boy who persistently annoyed me to get my attention. He did everything in the book and more just to get a reaction, from jokes to dying my shirt bright pink. I hid a grimaced remembering the vivid color on the once white cloth.

The Shinigami pilot that was always laughing and smiling, although he was serious at rare moments. Laughing was his shield from going insane. We all had our own shields. Mine was to ignore all emotions and lived only for missions. To keep all feelings suppressed and turn into an unfeeling machine. Somehow, Duo managed to worm his way through all the barriers and placed himself firmly at the center of what was left of my heart.

Until now, I am not sure what he saw in me to go through all that trouble to reach me. Sometimes I ponder why would such a special person would untiringly push his way to a cold chip of ice. I guess all of us crave affection deep down inside. Our lives were so intense, filled with death and sorrow; we wanted to look away from it all. To forget even though it was just for a second. To imagine that we were normal people leading ordinary lives.

I wanted to laugh but it didn't seem right. Gundams pilots were leading anything but ordinary lives.

Closing my eyes, I still could feel the sensation of a kiss from a memory. An unexpected one, stolen during the rare moments where our duty allowed us a peaceful night. The brief brush of lips tinged with an unspoken emotion that I tried to kill. He tasted like the wind during spring. The wide blue eyes smiling back at me while those lips curved into a wide grin at my stunned expression. His voice teasing as he breathed into my ear.

Duo never knew how to give up. He would shake his head in a mock of despair and when you least expect it, he would be back on his feet once again determined.

We agreed at first that it was just sex. A good way to release the tension we both felt and feel something other than the numbness after a mission filled with death. Two bedmates that enjoyed heated nights to escape the madness that was chasing after them. I always thought that he was just another person that warmed up the bed. But suddenly that feeling changed to something more uncertain, more dangerous. It became something more than just the pleasure of flesh.

I knew that it was insane to make friends during the war. People die everything and there was a incredibly slim chance soldiers like us would survive the next day. I didn't want to feel the hurt or see the blood in my dreams if the war ever took him. Tried as I might to devoid myself of all feeling but my feelings for him already ran too deep.

Perhaps it was because something tied us together in this blood soaked world. A small place of sanctuary we both could rely on. Something to fight for. A little bit of pleasure in our dark lives. Logic stubbornly exclaimed that this new feeling was a distraction from a mission but a voice in my head told me to ignore it. I often wondered if it was a mistake in loving him. Fortunately thoughts of doubt slip away like shadows in the light when I see his smile.

Hearing the gunshots booming over my head, I can't help but agree. There was no hope of getting out of here. All the exits were already sealed. Trapped in a little corner with nothing but a wall as a shield from bullets. I bit my lip tasting the light trickle of blood. The situation reminded me of a different day. A day when the sun was shining and the pool glittered with the sunlight. Duo had grabbed me by the hand and dragged me outside. We indulged in a few mindless conversations before he wondered morbidly about death.

Soldiers are expendable during the war. I have no doubt if I was ever killed in a battle, I would be replaced faster than a person could blink. I often suspected the professors were training new pilots while we scrap through missions. In their eyes, we were just pawns on a great chessboard. Little toys that are discarded or replaced when they break.

Those blue eyes looked sad that sunny day. I remembered his hand on my cheek.

It was stupid to do so since our lives were never certain but I agreed. Feelings made you soft and weak. Professor J often told me that. I gripped my gun.

In war there were things that needed to be sacrificed to achieve greater things. Peace that we were all fighting for. Taking out a gadget from my jacket, I felt the slight weight in my palm. I stared at the little button. To inexperienced eyes, the tiny red gadget looked almost innocent. The mission was not a complete failure yet. Just a touch of a finger and the whole place would be nothing but a hole in the ground.

Soldiers are expandable. They were sent to the frontlines to kill and be killed. The vicious concept of war. I smiled feeling glad I met Duo. He somehow made live more bearable. During the time we were together, I managed to forget the scars war brought me. In his arms, I felt normal, like any other fifteen-year-old boy. For a brief moment, I felt whole and loved. Something I have never known since I was a child. Glad I told him how I felt. Glad to hold him in my arms for a brief moment in our lives.

I only wish that we could have spent more time together. My finger touches the innocent little button. Before the world bursts into flames, I close my eyes.

"Gomen, Duo. I can't keep that promise."

~OWARI~